Reviewed by Ala Shiban
Edited by Burt Carver
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As I was fighting my way through C&C: Generals late at night, blasting the American infidels into oblivion, I couldn’t but help hearing my fathers’ cry for help, his subtle shout for salvation. I approached my parents’ room, hoping to avoid the unpleasant scene of my fathers’ weakness (not to mention the potential of seeing my parents naked). As I opened the door. I witnessed what you might consider one of the more dreadful annoyances my mother has to endure through out her martial life, snoring.
I decided to give back to my parents as they have given so much to me. I searched for a non-surgical solution to eliminate the death rattle emanating from him. I found the HIVOX SnoreStopper, a product that claimed ease of use, no side effects, and also makes you rich (I made the last one up).
HIVOX has closely studied the way people snore. Their analysis on why we snore comes down to poor muscle tone in the tongue and throat, excessively bulky throat tissue, obstructed airways and deformities of the nose or nasal septum. Those factors result in contact and vibration with the soft tissues in the throat.
Adding on that phenomenon, there’s the sleep apnea problem where irregularity in the uvula area causes airflow blockage during sleep. This results in a momentary halt in breathing. The SnoreStopper we’re reviewing today deals with those two main triggers of snoring.
Normally, when we sleep, our muscles are in a relaxed state. However, snoring can occur when your throat muscles become too relaxed due to being overtired, overweight, aged, etc. The way the SnoreStopper works is by detecting and distinguishing snores with the biosensor. If an offending snore is detected, the device generates a gentle electronic pulse, which reduces snores by your relaxed muscle’s self-reaction. (Like a wife’s small push could stop or reduce husband’s snore).
I know what you’re initial thoughts are, “it’s going to zap me”. Basically it is, but it does so without disturbing your partner. It also zaps the sleeper early enough in the snore so the sleeper doesn’t get a chance to get ‘warmed up’. The device is adjustable and there is an intensity controller that gives you full control on how strong the pulse is.
The idea is quite innovative, and since I wasn’t the guinea pig I decided to give it a try.
After passing the “You have to try this on” phase with my father (some persuasion from my mother did help, in the form of threatening…), he agreed to give it a try. We followed the instructions, and even manually triggered the biosensor to feel the electrical pulse. The pulse was faint enough not to scare my father away, and the deed was done.
The testing phase went smoothly, and he was able to sleep without any adjustments. The product is slightly larger than an average wristwatch.
Results didn’t come instantly. It took a while for the effects to surface. After 2-3 weeks of nightly usage, snoring went down to a minimum and the noise was much more bearable, I felt like a good child helping his dad in time of need…
Gamershell always tries to bring ‘value-added’ to the reviews. We collectively brainstormed on alternate uses for this product to make it MORE worth the consumers time to buy, and also broaden the market. I am sure that, if some enterprising individual wanted to, he could use a step-up transformer made out of some copper wire and a car battery to really make this thing effective. With this modification, it would probably work well to prevent the following additional ‘disorders’:
“Nagging” girlfriend syndrome
Imagine her surprise when you strap on this bad boy. She will, overnight go from abrasive and mean to charming and docile, or die in the attempt.
“Barking Dog” syndrome
Dog have a barking problem? Neighbours dog have a barking problem? Strap this baby on (warning, chihuahua’s CAN NOT handle a car battery’s weight, get longer cables). Soon, the smell of burnt dog hair will fill the air and, voila, no more barking!
Need someone taken care of but can’t afford professional assistance? Strap this to your unsuspecting victim while they are otherwise occupied, then stand back and watch the fireworks. Once you become proficient, you can actually hire ‘Robo-Guido’ out to your friends.
We hope that these alternate solutions do work for some people.
The Fine Print
The above uses entail the use of high current electricity. Unless you are qualified to operate heavy machinery and were born before 1850, please do NOT attempt the above customizations to the product. Gamershell will not be liable for any damage as a result of attempting these modifications, however if someone rigs up an ‘electric barbeque’, we would appreciate an invitation to your first party. Any modifications to this product will result in your warranty being voided, and we will send over our own real life “Guido” to void it. If Guido is unavailable, “Sylvano” or “Francesco” will attend to thoroughly void your warranty. Hide your kids and your poodles.